Here's a new painting I did.
I think this is the best painting I've ever done. It's got Bigfoot, a mermaid that's part unicorn, half an arm with a bloody stump, and a rainbow. This painting is meant to symbolize true love and that opposites do attract.
I showed it to Josh, and he asked if Bigfoot is supposed to be me & if the mermaid is supposed to be Jenna. And then I stared at Josh for a second, then tackled him to the ground and put him in a headlock until he took it back and said he was sorry. And I made him say "I take it back. I'm sorry" in his Seinfeld impression voice.
I mean, I can see how Bigfoot could represent me. Bigfoot's just a regular dude trying to do his thing, & so am I. But there's no way the mermaid could represent Jenna. First of all, I doubt Jenna even knows how to swim. Whenever TGS goes on break, she's always traveling off to some fancy place like Paris or something. But she never goes to the beach. She never says "Hey guys, I'm going to Wildwood, NJ this weekend" or, "let's go to Myrtle Beach".
I bet she's never even been to Atlantic City, Coney Island or any other awesome beach town. And second, if Jenna ever saw a Bigfoot, she'd run away in the opposite direction crying. Then she'd call Page 6 and try to get herself in the paper telling them she saw Bigfoot. This mermaid shows no fear of Bigfoot. And this mermaid is part unicorn too, so that means that she has additional magical powers. Jenna thinks magicians are evil. We were watching this one magician's video online & he made a dove turn into a quarter. Jenna got upset and called PETA. This mermaid has a freshly chopped-off arm and she's not even showing the slightest look of pain in her face. One time Jenna stubbed her toe & was on crutches for 2 weeks.
Well, I hope you guys like the painting. Tracy likes it a lot. He said he's going to buy it. But that was a couple weeks ago. I offered to give it to Liz, but she said she has no more wall space at her apartment. I think I'm submit it to an art contest. Maybe it'll get accepted. And then I can go to the art show & just stand by the painting and wait for hot chicks to come up and talk to me. Yeah! That's what I'm going to do!
Oh, and big thanks to everyone concerned about the writer's block I had last week. I'm totally fine now! I'm already on my 2nd draft of FART NUGGETS: THE MOVIE.
Maybe Dr. Spaceman will buy the painting!
Chat soon.
Frank Rossitano
