I was in Pittsburgh visiting some relatives, and I had one of the best breakfasts I've ever had. It was at Pamela's P & G Diner in Millvale. Eating their breakfast made me feel proud to be an American.

These home fries were the best I've ever had. #1. I don't know how they do it. So tasty. And not dry. A lot of home fries are dried out. Not these. They have a lot of onions in them too. Onions is one of the most important ingredients in every food, except for ice cream & some other stuff. Garlic is just about as important. Almost every great dish has either onions or garlic, or both in them. Notice how I put my potatoes over my eggs. I used the heat from the potatoes to cook my eggs a little more. These are tricks you learn over the years.

Check out the corned beef hash too. That was hands down the best corned beef hash I've ever had. I think they must've gotten the corned beef fresh from a butcher. Most restaurants make their corned beef hash browns with canned corned beef. Not Pamela's. They don't play around.

Now to the pancakes. Amazing. Definitely in the top 2 best pancakes I've ever had. Not sure if it's #1 or not. And I can't tell you where my other favorite pancake place is. Sorry, I have to keep some things
private. These pancakes are described as "crepe-like" from the critics. But I've never had a crepe, so I can't vouch for that comment. But I can tell you that they're thinner than your normal pancake. And they're not dry. A lot of pancakes at restaurants are too dry. Dry & breakfast just don't go together. Even toast shouldn't be dry. It shouldn't be wet either, but it definitely shouldn't be too dry. And the other thing that makes these pancakes amazing is that on the edges it's even thinner & it gets crispy. So the pancake is crispy along the edges and soft and chewy everywhere else. They're so good you can eat them without syrup or butter.

My Mom makes great pancakes by the way. But I'm only discussing restaurant breakfasts right now. This breakfast was so good, it made me forget about Bon Jovi being Russian. Thanks to everyone who wrote. And yes, maybe Spiderman is Russian too. But I'm past that now. This All American breakfast has cured me. I'm just glad Lutz wasn't with me. Because I think we definitely would've fought over some of the food.

If any of you know some great breakfast places. Let me know. I love food. And I'll check it out. No matter where it is. But it better be great.

One of the great things about New York in the Spring is all the street fairs. Every weekend there’s some kind of cool street fair where you can buy all kinds of stuff really cheap & get lots of great food. Like Italian sausages! But at this one street fair, I learned some depressing news. Bon Jovi is not Italian. He’s Russian.

This picture is of a Russian ornament of Bon Jovi. Which proves he’s Russian & not Italian. When I saw this, I was in shock & couldn’t believe it. And if it wasn’t bad enough seeing one Bon Jovi Russian doll, when I picked up the ornament, I opened it up, & there were 5 other little Russian Bon Jovi’s inside it. More depressing proof. I asked the lady selling the ornament if Bon Jovi was Russian & she said “Yes”.

As an Italian guy that grew up Jersey idolizing Bon Jovi, this is seriously sad & confusing news. I’m Italian. I’m from Jersey. And so is Bon Jovi. At least I thought he was. Seeing this Russian ornament of Bon Jovi, has made me rethink everything I’ve ever done. I don’t know if I can listen to a Bon Jovi song ever again. The song “Never Say Goodbye” takes on a whole new meaning now. Nothing against the Russians or Russia. It’s a great country & they're great people. They’ve produced countless super hot model chicks, gymnasts, an excellent yet flawed boxer (Drago, lost to Balboa in ‘85), and they gave America something to feel great about in 1980 when we beat their hockey team. But it was just a bummer to learn that Bon Jovi’s not Italian. Especially so randomly like this. Next, I’ll learn, he’s not even from Jersey. I wouldn’t doubt it now. Very depressing.

Thanks to all the girls who wrote nice things about me and my break dancing in the last post. Sorry I didn’t comment back to each of you more specifically. I’m just too depressed right now.

Frank Rossitano
Still Italian

To make extra money. I used to breakdance at children's parties. I was part of a crew called FastBreak. My signature move was the EarthWorm.

I don't really do parties any more. But I'm big on charity work, and once in a while I still teach a breakdance class for senior citizens at the old age home near where I live in Jersey. I got my boombox for the tunes & I got the microphone so I can lead the seniors through the moves. They enjoy it, but they're probably the worst breakers I've ever seen. I'm not wearing a hat or glasses because the old age home has a strict dress code for employees. No hats allowed. And I'm not wearing my glasses because one of the old ladies is crazy and thinks my glasses are really her glasses & that I stole them from her in 1978. She kept trying to grab them off my face & yelling at me. So I just leave the glasses at home & go to the old age home half-blind. Plus, some of the old ladies like me without the glasses.

Oh, and for the record, I don't have the hots for Jenna. Some of you keep saying that. Jenna might secretly have the hots for me. (Can you blame her?) But there's no way I'm interested in her. But you ladies out there...that's what I'm talking about. Yeah...

Frank

Here's a new painting I did.

I think this is the best painting I've ever done. It's got Bigfoot, a mermaid that's part unicorn, half an arm with a bloody stump, and a rainbow. This painting is meant to symbolize true love and that opposites do attract.

I showed it to Josh, and he asked if Bigfoot is supposed to be me & if the mermaid is supposed to be Jenna. And then I stared at Josh for a second, then tackled him to the ground and put him in a headlock until he took it back and said he was sorry. And I made him say "I take it back. I'm sorry" in his Seinfeld impression voice.

I mean, I can see how Bigfoot could represent me. Bigfoot's just a regular dude trying to do his thing, & so am I. But there's no way the mermaid could represent Jenna. First of all, I doubt Jenna even knows how to swim. Whenever TGS goes on break, she's always traveling off to some fancy place like Paris or something. But she never goes to the beach. She never says "Hey guys, I'm going to Wildwood, NJ this weekend" or, "let's go to Myrtle Beach".

I bet she's never even been to Atlantic City, Coney Island or any other awesome beach town. And second, if Jenna ever saw a Bigfoot, she'd run away in the opposite direction crying. Then she'd call Page 6 and try to get herself in the paper telling them she saw Bigfoot. This mermaid shows no fear of Bigfoot. And this mermaid is part unicorn too, so that means that she has additional magical powers. Jenna thinks magicians are evil. We were watching this one magician's video online & he made a dove turn into a quarter. Jenna got upset and called PETA. This mermaid has a freshly chopped-off arm and she's not even showing the slightest look of pain in her face. One time Jenna stubbed her toe & was on crutches for 2 weeks.

Well, I hope you guys like the painting. Tracy likes it a lot. He said he's going to buy it. But that was a couple weeks ago. I offered to give it to Liz, but she said she has no more wall space at her apartment. I think I'm submit it to an art contest. Maybe it'll get accepted. And then I can go to the art show & just stand by the painting and wait for hot chicks to come up and talk to me. Yeah! That's what I'm going to do!

Oh, and big thanks to everyone concerned about the writer's block I had last week. I'm totally fine now! I'm already on my 2nd draft of FART NUGGETS: THE MOVIE.

Maybe Dr. Spaceman will buy the painting!

Chat soon.

Frank Rossitano