I had a severe case of writer’s block the other night. And the brilliant Dr. Spaceman came to my rescue. Here’s how it all went down...

I had never had writer’s block before. Pete had warned me about it plenty of times. And I always said, "Pete, writer’s block is for nerds, it’ll never happen to me". But then late one night, Jenna told me to write a sketch for her – starring her as an ice skating princess who solves global warming. And I had to write up a draft in 30 minutes. I had no clue where to start. I started feeling dizzy. I went to lay down on the couch.

Before I knew it, I was passed out.

Fortunately, Dr. Spaceman was nearby in Tracy’s dressing room playing video games. He came over and saved me. I think he’s gotta be one of the top 5 Doctors in the world. I don’t know what he did. But it worked. After I woke up, I still felt a little light-headed. He said, "Don’t write any ice skating sketches for at least 5 days. And eat a chiliburger once an hour for the next 10 hours and you’ll be fine". I did everything he said, and today I feel great.

I never wrote that sketch for Jenna – and fortunately, because of Dr. Spaceman, I had a medical excuse.

After about 10 minutes & my first chiliburger, I felt so much better. That night, I stayed up all night and wrote up an entire first draft of FART NUGGETS: THE MOVIE. I’m going to put it in Mr. Donaghy’s office right away (before Liz gets her hands on it and burns it).

Thank you Dr. Spaceman!

Special thanks to Cerie for taking these photos with her cell phone.

And thanks to everyone for the advice you gave me about the cat lady. And Martina, I never went out with her, so I’m available.

Take it easy.

Frank.

Here’s a picture of me and Greta, the cat wrangler that we sometimes use behind the scenes on TGS.

I totally had the hots for her. First off, the name “Greta” totally gets me hot.. And feeling her giant, extra-dry, frizzy hair accidentally brush up against my arm when she’d walk by, would make me go insane. When this photo was taken, I was trying to hit on her. But then one of her cats started squealing like crazy. I think it was the one she calls “my favorite little runt”. So, just as I was about to ask her out, she took off after her stupid cat. Basically, if it wasn’t for that little runt, I could’ve had a chance with her.

I wish I had my own unishark that could eat all her cats. Then I would be free to make my move.

Oh well.

If anyone has any advice on how to pick up chicks that are cat lovers, let me know. I’m perplexed.

Frank

RESPONSE TO COMMENTS FROM 1ST BLOG

Thanks for all the responses guys…and girls.

Glad you liked my first blog. I don’t have time to respond to all of you individually, ‘cause I got 4 sketches due to Liz in 3 hours & I only have

2 pages written so far. So, I’ll respond to a few of you right now.

Britanny, thanks for being the first to comment! I like your style. I can tell just by your name that you’re hot. If it was just "Brit", or worse "Bri", I’d be like, "Nah, not that hot" – but "Brittany", "Woah. I better do some situps and work on my posture before meeting you".

Erin, thanks for your concern about my car and videos. It’s hard to find a girl that genuinely cares. Girl, you’re a treasure.

Shirley & Co. – thanks for your support & wacky comments – you got your own style. I love it.

And Alex, you’re a dude. But thanks for your support as well.

I’M AN ARTIST

On to new stuff. This is my second blog, and I’ve decided to post some pics! I got 2 pics of a painting I made. That’s right girls, in case you weren’t getting the hots for me before, now that you know I’m also a painter, you won’t be able to resist me. (Ever since Jack Donaghy informed me that chicks dig a guy with artistic skills, I’ve been painting non-stop).

I call this painting "Unishark".

It is a painting of a Unishark. A mystical creature (that really exists) that is part unicorn & part shark.

The Unishark is a good shark. Like, if a princess fell into the sea, the Unishark would save her. The princess would grab onto his corn & he would swim her to safety (and no one would mess with him because he’s a shark). If the Unishark saw Jenna Maroney drowning, he’d just keep on swimmin’.

So the Unishark has good taste too. If for some stupid reason the Unishark did save Jenna, Jenna would probably thank him by singing some cheesy song that nobody cares about & giving him a 10% coupon to her favorite Italian restaurant, The Olive Garden. Jenna talks about that place every day. What a loser.

I showed the painting to Jenna. She didn’t even understand it. And she refused to believe that a shark could be part unicorn, because unicorns are on land and sharks are in water. But I said, "What if it was shallow water? A shark & a unicorn could totally do it in 2 feet of water". Also, it’s a well-known fact that unicorns can hold their breath for up to 6 minutes. As usual, Jenna shows her lack of knowledge in any subject that'sinteresting.

I tried to make this painting as realistic as possible. I used water-based paint & not oil paint – because the Unishark lives in water. The proportions on this Unishark are perfect. But it’s scaled down a lot. In real life, the Unishark is about 18 feet long. And it’s the only kind of shark that can never be caught. (Because it’s corn would pierce the boat and then spear the fisherman). That’s why there’s never been photograph of it.

But it does exist. Just ask Tracy Jordan. He was rescued by a Unishark from the East River when he was five. I’ve seen a Unishark a couple of times. When he saw me, he didn’t even try to hide, because he knows I’m cool & would never tell anyone his exact location. Dr. Spacemen told me that some Unisharks can live to be 10,000 years old.

Hope you like the painting. Let me know what you think!

Frank Rossitano
Comedy writer/Artist

Hi guys…and girls.

This is Frank Rossitano. Writer for TGS. This is my first blog. I think blogs are kind of nerdy, but Lutz told me lots of chicks read blogs. So here it goes. I’ll start by answering a question I get asked a lot.

People always ask me how I got the job writing for TGS.

It was pretty much 100% by accident.

One day I sent a letter to “The Insane Girl Show”, which is a mail-order video series kind of like “Girls Gone Wild” - except sluttier. I wrote the letter because they ripped me off. I had ordered some videos, but they sent me the wrong dvds & I was pissed. So, I sent them a 5 page letter saying I wanted my money back & telling them I was going to kick their ass & explaining in detail how I was going to kick their ass.

But somehow, the post office messed up & didn’t send it to “The Insane Girl Show” but to “The Girlie Show” instead. So it ended up on Liz Lemon’s desk. And I guess Liz read it & thought it was some kind of funny irreverent avant-garde comedy piece. A week later I got a call & I was hired.

It’s definitely the best job I’ve ever had. Liz is a great boss, really nice, really hot and doesn’t make me clean the toilets or pick up garbage. I got fired from my last job delivering pizzas ‘cause my car broke down. I didn’t know what to do. My car wasn’t worth fixing. And I had 6 pizzas to deliver. So I just sat in my dead car and ate 4 of the pizzas. I sold one to a cop. And bartered the other one for a porno. (Which was MUCH better than any of the videos from that stupid "The Insane Girl Show" company). Then hitchhiked home. I just left my car on the street where it died. It wasn’t worth saving. I still have no car. So I take the bus into Manhattan 5 days a week to write on TGS. I actually like the commute ‘cause it takes about 45 minutes. And, Liz doesn’t know this, but I do about 90% of my writing for TGS on the bus. I spend most of my time at work playing video games on the computer, taking advantage of the free hi-speed internet access, and playing pranks on Jenna.

And that’s the story.

I'll tell you more stuff on my next blog. And remember girls...I'm here for you.