I have some big tournaments coming up, so I have to get in even better shape than I am currently in.

Here I am on the treadmill, honing my ping-pong skills.

I'm wearing the winter jacket so that I can sweat more & lose weight more quickly.

Liz won't let us have a ping-pong table, but there is a tiny workout room. And I can sneak in a workout there without her noticing.

I figure if I can bounce the ping-pong ball on my paddle without missing, while running on a treadmill in a winter coat, I'll be able to crush anyone.

No one else trains like this. So, no one will be prepared to play me. I'm going to bring something to the game that nobody has ever brought before.

Maybe I'll write an article about this new ping-pong workout that I've developed and submit it to USA Table Tennis magazine. http://www.usatt.org/magazine/index.shtml

I may not be at my desk, but Liz and Pete will never find me. Because they'll never think to look for me in the workout room.

They know I hate working out... but not when ping-pong is involved.

Seriously, if any of you ladies need a ping-pong lesson, I'm here for you.

Frank

Here's an inside look at more of my top-secret ping-pong training.
If it weren't for my grueling work schedule at TGS, I'd be playing ping-pong 24 hours a day.

Here I am on the streets of NYC practicing ping-pong.
I'm hitting the ball up high to work on my lob shots.
In ping-pong this is called "lobbing" or "fishing" -- they're a little different -- but I won't get into details on that now.

Basically my lob got too powerful & I lobbed it over some buildings a few blocks away. And it landed in Madison Square Garden. I guess the ball built up so much force, it was able to break through the ceiling of Madison Square Garden. I snuck past security, and found my ping-pong ball.

In this second photo, you see me with the ping-pong ball inside Madison Square Garden.
Some old dude rock stars were on stage rehearsing for their big show tonight as part of the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame concert. Because Madison Square Garden has such high ceilings, it was a good place to practice my ping-pong serves that requires a high toss of ball. This is called a high toss serve in the ping-pong biz.

I made my hat myself of course. My shirt is from the cool people at either http://www.fearwerx.com or at http://www.fright-rags.com.

It's very rare that I let you know where The Rossitano gets his clothes. And for ping-pong there's so many places you can get stuff.
http://www.paddlepalace.com
http://www.clubjoola.com
http://ttpioneers.ping-pong.com/
http://www.lilyyip.com

I got my blade from the dude that owns Fat Cat. http://www.fatcatmusic.org

And there's tons of other places to get awesome ping-pong stuff.
http://www.usatt.org has more info too.
I get my stuff from all over. I don't let one place tie me down.

Have a great Halloween. I'm hoping to meet some hot chicks. There are a lot of cool Halloween parties going on.
I might have to hit more than one. Turn Halloween into the whole weekend. Just found out that Spin http://spinyc.com is having a Halloween party -- they'll have lots of hot chicks. But basically, (and don't tell anyone this) I just want a chick that's cool. I don't need a high maintenance hot chick.

Talk soon.

Rossitano

This is one of my ping-pong training methods. I practice hitting the ball. Not against a wall. Not against a ping-pong robot.

But outdoors against a metal fence. I have to precisely hit the ball so that it hits the metal wiring and bounces back to me.

It's a great exercise for accuracy. Any moron can hit the ball against the wall or over a net.

Not many can hit the ball against a wire fence for hours and have the ball bounce back to them every time.

My place is too small for a ping-pong table, so I have to use unorthodox methods for training.
I call this is my Rocky 4 training. Rocky trained outdoors in the freezing snow. Drago trained indoors, hooked up to high tech computers. And who won? That's right. Rocky. He literally punched the communism right out of Drago. And why did Rocky win? 'Cause his training was more intense.

My place is too small for a ping-pong table, so I have to use unorthodox methods for training.

I call this my Rocky 4 training. Rocky trained outdoors in the freezing snow. Drago trained indoors, hooked up to high tech computers. And who won? That's right. Rocky. He literally punched the communism right out of Drago. And why did Rocky win? 'Cause his training was more intense.

At TGS there is space for a ping-pong table. But Liz Lemon won't let us have one.

Because she knows we'll spend all our time playing ping-pong and no time writing sketches. I think Hornberger secretly wants a ping-pong table. But refuses to get one, because he knows I'll destroy him in a match. And he doesn't want to face reality. Plus he's got anger issues. Tracy plays ping-pong on the computer & thinks that means he's good at real ping-pong. And he stinks at regular ping-pong. I've seen it. That's a note to everyone: just 'cause you're good at videogame ping-pong, it doesn't mean you're good at real ping-pong.

Everyone thinks they're so great at ping-pong. And you know what? 105% of them are delusional.

And 99% of them suck. Let's face it, if you were any good, you'd enter a real tournament & see just how good you are.

And 99% of them suck. Let's face it, if you were any good, you'd enter a real tournament & see just how good you are. Join the USATT if you think you're such a hot shot. I did. http://www.usatt.org And if you think you're so good at ping-pong, why not challenge me at one of Lily Yip's tournaments?

There's this one in NYC: http://www.doublefish-us.com/tournaments/ac1_1_2010/ac_entryform.pdf

And this one in Atlantic City: And this one in Atlantic City.

Or if you don't live in the NYC area, they have real tournaments all over the country.http://www.usatt.org/events/tournaments.shtml#regions

So, if you think you're any good, why don't you try and prove it?

Just 'cause you can beat your little brother who's in the 2nd grade & you're the best player in your basement, doesn't mean you're actually good at ping-pong.

And ladies, if you need a private ping-pong lesson, now you know you to talk to.

Rossitano

I played ping-pong with Spiderman.

I went shopping for used discount vitamins at an outdoor flea market in Queens.

Had to do get the vitamins. Writing for TGS is very demanding. I often have to be in the office 10 hours a day & I'm spend 8 of those 10 hours playing video games while pretending to work. And the remaining 3 hours I spend either daring Lutz to eat things, or giving Jenna old sketches from other shows but telling her I wrote them for her but that it can be our secret that she wrote it herself. Then she gets busted for plagiarism. She falls for that a lot.

The vitamins were only $2 a bottle. So it's a big savings. It was kind of like raiding someone's medicine cabinet, only much bigger and outdoors in 90 degree heat. I like a flea market where you can buy a machete knife, a skateboard with an American eagle on it, underwear, a queen size Scarface blanket & random vitamin bottles. Flea markets are great.

Been playing a lot of ping pong this summer. Ran into Spiderman at this new fancy ping pong place in Manhattan called Spin. He was afraid to play against me. So, we teamed up as doubles partners and destroyed everybody. Frank & Spiderman cannot be beaten in ping pong.

So, I'm in shape and ready for a new season of TGS.

I'm still trying to convince Liz to get a ping pong table at the office or on one of  our filming stages or hallways, or stairways or the roof of the building. I don't care. I'll play anywhere. I've been playing ping pong so much...and don't hate me here...but I think it's even better than video games.

Ladies, I did not include any close-ups of my face...because...I want you to want it...and earn it...I can't just give you a close-up right away.

Hope everyone had a great summer. Ladies if you have any hot stories you want to share with me...Let's hear it.

Frank

My goal is to hook up with this chick.
I could totally see myself marrying her.
But I'd have to get rid of that dolphin.
I don't like that sinister look on his face.
I don't trust him.
I think he's bad for her.
He looks like the evil twin of a
nice dolphin.
It seems like he's looking right at me saying
"this chick will never go out with you". Well,
this summer I'm going to prove him wrong.
Time to start working out so i can get in
"beach shape". Maybe I'll beat up a lifeguard.
That will impress her. It's going to be a great summer.

Frank

Art can be found in many places. Even on bookcovers.

This is probably the best basketball novel I've ever read. You can tell these guys are really good players. And it's "backboard" magic, not "above the rim" magic, or "nothin' but net" magic. We're talking bank shots off the backboard. Number 8 is missing his left foot. Maybe through the power of magic the other player made his foot disappear. So that he couldn't jump up and block his backboard bank shot. Tracy says he was good at basketball in high school. But I don't think he's remembering correctly. I know I'm better than him.
Gotta pretend to get back to work. I heard Liz yell "Blerg!" from her office. talk next week.

Frank

First up, thanks for your comments about the unicorn piece that was embroidered and had cotton ball-like clouds.
I decided it was too precious to leave at work.
Just Jess, who doesn't like macaroonis - but sorry that piece is not for sale.
Andy in Vermont, cheer up, things will get better.

So check out this new piece I just picked up.
It's a painting on black velvet of a doberman.
I like this doberman, because you can tell he's confident. He's not growling. He doesn't need to.
He doesn't need to prove that he's dangerous. He's a doberman. He knows he's dangerous.
And he knows you he's dangerous.
So he's just taking it easy.
He's so bad ass, he's ripped a whole in the painting!
That's cool.
Don't think I can bring this one into work at TGS either. I think Jenna's allergic
to dog paintings.

Let me know if you like this one.

Frank

Ok. Of all the pieces of art that I collect. This is one of my favorites. A young unicorn and an adult unicorn. You just don't see that that often. And they're sitting on clouds made out of some puffy type material. Notice how the puffy material extends BEYOND the edges of the frame. THAT'S GREAT ART! When the frame can't even contain it. Jenna offered me what she considered a lot of money for this - $5. I told her "no way". I brought it into TGS because I was going to hang it up in my office. But decided, it's too precious to be left at there. Lutz might steal it as a prank. Jenna might steal because she loves it. Tracy might think they're real unicorns & try to talk to them. So, I've decided to keep this piece at home. It's nice to look at before i got to sleep for the night. Somehow, I think Liz Lemon is relieved that she doesn't have to see it everyday. Wait, maybe I will leave it in my office - because if it repels Liz so much - she might not have to come in my office and bug me to get back to work. Now, I'm wondering, what should I do? Let me know what you think?

Frank

This is the kind a dude Jenna probably went out with when she was in high school. A complete tool. He looks like the boy the main girl had a crush on in every Judy Blume novel. He probably doesn't even need glasses. He just wears them because the thinks they make him look smart. Or he's too much of a wuss to put a contact lens on his eyeball. He was probably in the high school band or played guitar really badly, but Jenna thought he was great and she would dream about "making music" with him. I never hung out with dudes like this in high school. I was too busy playing pacman at 7-11 and mastering the pacman patterns i memorized from a book that i bought called "How To Beat Pacman". Thanks for enjoying this charcoal art piece. I gotta get back to writing more sketches for Jenna or Liz is going to take my computer and delete all my video games. Little does she know I just bought a portable hard drive where i store all my video games. And other things.

Keep fighting the system. Talk next week. And next week, I'll remember to answer your comments!

Frank

As many of you know. I collect art. And I can't bring all of them in to my TGS office because Liz & Pete wouldn't allow it because Donaghy prohibits anything that is possibly profane & anything that doesn't generate revenue for the company. And my art collection falls into both categories on many occasions. But I do get to share some of them with you here. Cool. Here's two pieces.

These two are cool. I think they're a mother & son. Or they're just two buddies who travel the galaxy as they sneak onto spaceships.

I like this guy. I don't know who he is or where he's from. But I do know that he's underappreciated. But not anymore. Because I appreciate him. I imagine he doesn't say much but he breathes heavy.

Interesting fact, these same art pieces were talked about on a talk show called Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, by a guy who looks almost identical to me. You can see the video footage here: http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/video/
And you can even see blogged about here: http://judahfriedlander.com/gallery.htm

Thanks for embracing the arts.

Talk soon.

Frank