The recent ridiculousness over whether TGS would go to a pre-taped format was such a nonissue for Jenna; natural born performers like her are always living in the now.

Still, you'd need to be nuts to ignore the delicious danger of working live. Let's face it, TV's most memorable moments have been live, from Brandi Chastain stripping off her jersey after winning the World Cup, to David Horowitz being taken hostage on camera, to Janet Jackson's ultimate nip slip at the Super Bowl.

While there's no show business like live show business, Jenna also knows that some spontaneous moments simply aren't meant to be shared - like being proposed to. The world just doesn't need another drunken public display of affection: not at halftime at a hockey arena or during a public execution in China or during a live TV show.

So Paul and Jenna won't be sharing this most intimate moment via live or pay per view TV. Coverage of the wedding night might be another story, depending on some very interesting conversations going on now, but details on that will have to wait till all bids are in.

-Jenna's Assistant

Every powerful woman has powerful bucket list. Topping Jenna's was to break up a band, or "pull a Yoko" as she likes to say. So, when she started dating the blue turtleneck guy from The Woggles her plan was put into motion. Don't underestimate the popularity of The Woggles. They are like One Direction times a thousand, okay? More people showed up to their Today Show performance than showed up for the 2011 Christmas tree lighting. I know, because I counted.

All the chaos and stress puts a toll on my job. Not only do I have to balance Jenna's TGS schedule, her beauty maintenance (which involves peeling and shaving things you don't even want to know about) and her "complain to Liz" time - but now I had to squeeze in "being clingy" practice, musician manipulation, bus sabotage and a ton of other Yoko-related items. The one good thing that came out of this was that Jenna realized how much she missed Paul. Sadly, Paul has moved on to a skanky brunette and a used couch, which threw Jenna into a tailspin. I've seen this before in the summer of 1989 when her supporting role in "Ghostbusters II" wound up on the cutting room floor, leaving Annie Potts with all the red carpet glory. It can only lead to one thing: celebrity meltdown! Don't say you haven't been warned.

- Jenna's Assistant

As an honors graduate of the Stage Acting and Game Show Pointing program at the Royal Tampa Academy of Dramatic Tricks, Jenna is well-versed in the superstitions and curses of the theater. It was there she learned the time-honored dangers of uttering the name "Macbeth," wishing people "good luck" or acknowledging the existence of an understudy.

But some curses aren't just tradition. Some come from human evil. The recent attempts on Jenna's life certainly aren't the first, but when the would-be assassin obviously has access to the TGS set, something must be done. Jenna's sleuthing abilities are well known; rest assured that this snake in the grass will be captured and publicly humiliated before being turned over to the authorities.

You'll also be relieved to know that Jenna is taking unprecedented security measures, including hiring Moammar Khadafy's Amazon bodyguards. She's also watching a lot of movies featuring tough guys like Ving Rhames and Joe Piscopo. Finally, Jenna's public appearances will no longer be announced more than three months in advance. We hope it's not an inconvenience to fans, but it's an unfortunate step we feel we must take to thwart this ungodly attempt to destroy one of our national treasures (Jenna).

- Jenna's Assistant

As America's most prominent Irish variety star, Jenna's St. Patrick's Day schedule is always busy, but this year it is downright crazy. Between the parade on NBC and rehearsals for the NBC News special "America's Kidz Got Singing: What Happened?" Jenna also has several personal appearances planned. Many of you have been asking where they can see Ms. Maroney this year, so here's a little outline.

The day will start at the 83rd annual bacon and whisky-tasting at St. Brigid's parish hall right after morning mass, followed by the Green Eggs and Ham breakfast benefitting the Old McDonald Home for Retired Alcoholic Police Horses at 9:00 a.m. Of course there's the parade (this year she finally wrestles top billing from non-Irish Tracy Jordan!), then two afternoon celebrity judging jobs: the Green Beer Barrel tasting at the Dooley's Paddy Wagon Pub in North Riverdale and the inaugural Gaelic Rap Fest in Belle Harbor. It wraps up with yet another TV appearance in Central Park, at Regis' Rockin' St. Paddy's Day Bash.

Of course, there are a number of private parties on the docket for late night, but you'll have to look at the tabloids Sunday morning for those.

- Jenna's Assistant

Part of what makes Jenna's performance so powerful is her incredible artistic preparation. You've heard the legends of her intensive study of medieval jousting, the 60 pounds she gained to play Elizabeth Taylor, the weeks spent in a box with David Blaine to prep for her one-woman Houdini show.

Those newfound skills don't always have a life after the project is over. But when it came to playing beautiful but brainy cop Alexis Goodlooking (TVBlogmeister called it "gut-wrenching and brutal"), Jenna developed an expertise that she'll always use: crime fighting.

In prepping for the series pilot, Jenna immersed herself with real-life street cops, patrolling the alleys, going on undercover assignments to strip clubs and singing at a wake at the Irish Cultural Center. But it was her time spent with the crime scene unit that gave Jenna a new appreciation for the hidden world of crime. As the criminalists schooled her, tiny details can reveal everything. Few people know, for example, that dental floss DNA can be cloned to make a living copy of the person who used it. Or that rigor mortis can be reversed with a hair dryer. Or that most criminals are left-handed.

Such knowledge might seem esoteric to the layman, but to Jenna, it's information to be used in everyday life - like finding the alcoholic thief who stole a beloved showrunner's bottle of scotch, for example. Jenna's solving The Case of the Missing Whisky didn't bring back Pete's beloved booze, but it did put the staff on notice that no small crime will go undetected. It's just one of the many benefits of the actor's life: the skills learned on the job become just another incredible aspect of who you are.

This past week, Jenna and Paul took things to a crazy new level in their relationship. They stayed home at night, ordered food and watched television. I KNOW! Scandalous! Jenna actually knows what is happening on Gossip Girl now. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it's three seasons too late to be into that show. Anyway, it's been really boring for me because I don't have to run out and buy fetish costumes at the last minute, or find allergy medicine for oddball foods that have smeared into places I shouldn't even know about. Thankfully, they finally realized that being normal is actually just BEING NORMAL and they completely freaked out. Jenna is now back in slut mode, which is awesome! I'm hoping to draft off her sexual energy and get back in the game. With Leap Day coming up, anything is possible! Give me your pointers below.

- Jenna's Asst.

Good lighting is a basic human right - as important as any of the freedoms this country was founded on. After all, what good is free speech if you look like a cadaver and no one wants to hear what you're saying?

And that's why it's so irritating when something simple like a request for a light bulb is shut down to indulge someone's private political statement. I won't mention names, but Subhas you know who you are. Jenna's only trying to do her job and give the fans the beautiful and joyous superstar they know and love - the one named to Star's Most Natural Looking Blonde list in 2006 and 2008.

Fortunately, we have found an alternate supplier of the 223c bulbs, thanks to Barry at American Poultry Growers Wholesale Electrical Supply Barn. You are our sunshine!

Hi everyone!

As you may have read on deadcareerhollywood.com, Jenna's snagged a lucrative deal to become the celebrity Face of Wool! As you can imagine, this amazing news has thrilled Jenna's fans, but it's also inspired some unwarranted accusations.

Let me be the first to tell you that Jenna is a very moral, wholesome person and she is not planning on using this deal to fund a trip to Betasten Bos, Amsterdam's premier sex garden. And though she is dating a gender-dysmorphic bigenitalian pansexualle, they are in a committed, totally normal relationship.

Now that that's cleared up, feel free to write the Wool Council to tell them how happy you are that Jenna is representing them. We haven't been this thrilled since Jenna got the filthylittlefeet.com campaign!

Hi loyal fans --

Unfortunately I have some disappointing news: JennaBabies have been recalled. It seems that unscrupulous drug smugglers have used JennaBabies to sneak cocaine into the U.S from Mexico. If your children have exhibited any hyperactive behavior after playing with a JennaBaby, we urge you to get them medical attention immediately.

Though it's unclear how QVC will rebound from this major hit to their financial bottom line, Jenna has vowed to move forward. She has just finished working on "Take My Hand," a gripping torture porn film set in beautiful, idyllic Connecticut.

Thank you all so much for your concern regarding Jenna. We can't tell you how many letters and e-mails we've received, but needless to say, it was over ten and less than twenty. Her intoxicating appearance on "Queen of Jordan" boosted the ratings, eclipsing such NBC tentpoles as "Homeless and Beautiful" and "Swamp Mate." In fact, the ratings went up 60% in three key demographics: Self Esteem-Deficient Girls (age 13-13½); Red-Haired Gay Men (age 17-72); and Foreign Exchange Students Who Don't Understand What They're Watching (age 13-19). For only the third(ish) time in television history, everyone's talking about an overpaid actor with addiction problems. We couldn't be happier! Jenna wants you to know that she appreciates your concerns, and she's asked me to personally respond to some of your emails.

Dear Jenna's Assistant,

How is Jenna enjoying rehab? Are there any plans to shoot a reality special or interview?

-- ILuvJENN@

Dear ILuvJENN@,

If by "rehab" you mean Latvian Sex Resort, Jenna's having a wonderful time. So much healing! Long, sweaty nights of healing! And as always, Jenna is willing to do any reality special or interview. However, she does not like her dress.

------------------------------------------------------

Dear Jenna's Assistant:

What can we do to help Jenna with her addiction battle? We are scared that it will get in the way of Jenna's award-winning work on TGS.

-- Jennas-Side Shopper

Dear Jennas-Side Shopper,

Technically speaking, Jenna has never won an award for her work on TGS unless you consider the Society for American Dermatologist's Award for Most Private Bleachings.

------------------------------------------------------

Dear Jenna's Assistant:

Herbal Viagra only $5.99. Much big. Email reply. America.

-- &*Vlkin

Dear &*Vlkin,

Thanks for the support.

------------------------------------------------------

And thanks again to everyone! You made Jenna's intervention a night to remember! For us here at TGS it has been a long and tumultuous month. And most importantly, if you know anyone who needs a personal assistant, email me back immediately. My life has lost its meaning.

Signed,

Jenna's Assistant

Isn't Jenna's mother a hoot? Okay, and by hoot, I mean, completely self-absorbed and clueless to other people's feelings. It boggles my mind to think of how Jenna was able to be raised by that and still be the caring and dignified young woman she is today.

Verna is a hurricane whenever she whips into town. Leaving pile of destruction wherever she lands. Usually, it's me, the assistant, who has to pick up the sad debris of Wet N Wild make-up and empty Aqua Net cans afterwards.

I remember when Jenna told me the story of her early audition days and what a nightmare Verna used to be on the set. Talk about being definition of a stage mother. I heard Dina Lohan used to regularly place calls to Verna for advice. Until her daughters begin auditioning for the same acting roles as Jenna. I still think Jenna could have pulled off the role of Cady in "Mean Girls."

But, that's the past now and Jenna is excited to embrace her new future with Verna and I'm happy when Jenna is happy. Just look at this photo.

Now off to find more feathers for Jenna's recent collection of earrings. Anybody know how I can get rid of pigeon mites?

So, here we are barely having survived another Halloween weekend. Was going to go as Jenna, but quickly realized (and was told by one of the Gay Michaels) that I couldn't pull it off. I decided to go as Frank instead, by wearing one of his hats I stole from the writers' room.

I appreciate the honesty that goes into being part of Jenna's gay entourage. Once, they looked me over and up and down and didn't say a word. I felt so low, I threatened to raid Jenna's medicine cabinet for the largest Tijuana-brand bottle that I couldn't pronounce. Luckily, Jenna barged in and got mad at the thought of me using her pills to off myself, especially on the night she was set to host a book-release party of her book, "Fame Chronicles," in the back alley of one of New York's hottest restaurants. I guess she wasn't really mad at the thought of me attempting to do the act, but more mad that my job was to roll out her red carpet. Needless to say, everything worked out in the end and not only was I there to roll out the red carpet, I was right there for Jenna, to help roll that carpet up.

Hi Jenna Maroney fans! Welcome to the official site of the international multi-talented superstar. May this be your guide to everything Jenna.

Jenna cares deeply about her web fans and wants you all to know that just because she's hotter than you, doesn't mean you are all not constantly on her mind.

In her defense, you try finding the time to update your website while being extremely gifted at singing, acting, posing, committing charitable acts and being ridiculously gorgeous at the same time!

So, I'll take on the responsibility of updating you, Jenna's biggest fans, with all the latest news on her appearances, parties, lovers and more!