A Goon’s Deed in a Weary World

Season 7
Episode 711
Air Date 01/24/13
TV-14

 

Liz is suffering a nightmare of the staff (as skeletons) haunting her for letting TGS get cancelled. She wakes up screaming as Criss walks in to tell her their new adopted twins have an arrival date. They excitedly begin making plans to greet them at the airport.

Jack texts Liz asking for an immediate meeting. Liz springs into action, choosing first to work through her DVR's stacked up recordings of "Treme" before heading in to see Jack. Criss will work on getting winter clothes for the new kids.

Liz asks Jack to reverse hank Hooper's decision to cancel her show. But Jack can't: Hazel's lawsuit has cost the company millions. The only way TGS can survive is for her to produce it with no out of pocket costs to NBC. Jack's arranged for her to present a new plan to the Kabletown board tonight to pitch the show before the cancellation is final. Liz is up to the challenge.

Liz explains to the staff that they have one shot left - they must write and produce their best-ever show. She assigns Tracy and Jenna to rally the fans by doing press interviews all day. Liz and Pete will slash the budget and pursue new sponsors - even the name of the show is on the table.

Jack calls Kenneth to his office to ask him to take his old page job back. Kenneth can't say no. Jack wants him to lead a 30 Rock tour consisting of his top five candidates for the president of NBC job. Employing an old GE trick of evaluating people while they're unaware of being evaluated, he wants Kenneth to help select the perfect fit. Jack explains that television is a dying business and he needs a new leader who can pick every morsel off the flesh. Kenneth tells Jack he should pick the candidate who is "purest of heart." Jack scoffs.

As they prepare for an interview with "Access Hollywood," Tracy and Jenna wonder what will happen if TGS doesn't survive. They know that great roles after TV success aren't so easy. And besides, they really want something that's right for the two of them. They hit on the idea of playing Siamese twins in a movie called "Heads of State;" Jenna would play a 20-something president of the U.S. while Tracy plays her brother, Santa Claus.

Liz pursues a name level sponsor, Bro Body Douche. Its founder, Broseph, is an insulting, insufferable entrepreneur who high fives himself with a mechanical arm mounted on his office wall. He expresses some interest but tells Liz he'll need product placement, naming rights and a pornographic pivot in the show's tone. Liz agrees desperately to it all, even the demand that the show's creator credit go to Broseph's long lost college buddy, Todd Debeikis.

Liz pursues a name level sponsor, Bro Body Douche. Its founder, Broseph, is an insulting, insufferable entrepreneur who high fives himself with a mechanical arm mounted on his office wall. He expresses some interest but tells Liz he'll need product placement, naming rights and a pornographic pivot in the show's tone. Liz agrees desperately to it all, even the demand that the show's creator credit go to Broseph's long lost college buddy, Todd Debeikis.

Kenneth leads the studio tour with Jack in tow. But Jack quickly grows alarmed when he sees how Kenneth is struck by one of the job candidates just because he's truly a huge TV fan. He pulls Kenneth aside to tell him he's got no role in the selection process, but Kenneth disagrees. Jack relieves him of his tour duties. But Kenneth is undeterred, even cooking up an honesty test for his favorite candidate. Though the candidate, Charlie, passes, he'd still dismantle the network for the sake of profit. At some point you've got to turn the horse into glue, Charlie tells Kenneth and a smiling Jack.

Liz returns to the TGS office to discover that the writing team hasn't even started on tonight's all-important show; they're spending the day hazing Lutz. Meanwhile, Criss calls wondering why Liz can't join him as he picks up critical last minute items like clothes and trampolines. Liz loses it with the staff; she's going to have to write the show herself.

Down in the studio, Pete has made some radical changes; the band is gone, as is the union crew and most scenes are to be shot on green screen. Broseph has installed himself as a producer. Amidst all the chaos, an exasperated Criss calls Liz. He's at the airport: the kids are arriving within the hour! He needs Liz there with him. But when she's told that the Kabletown board is starting to shuffle into the studio, Liz is caught between saving her show (and her friends' jobs) and meeting her adoptive kids for the first time. She tells Criss he'll have to cover it himself. Only she can pull off the new show, "Bro Body Douche Presents The Man Cave."

In Jack's office, Kenneth resigns as page. He can't countenance the idea of a vulture like Charlie being named the new network president. But Jack has a change of heart. He realizes that in seven years of running the network all of his instincts have been wrong. He realizes that despite his business school credentials, it's clear that their business is an irrational one. Jack realizes the only smart choice now would be to name a network head who simply loves television the most. And that person is Kenneth Parcell. Jack names him president of NBC.

Back in the studio, the new show is making its maiden voyage. But before the first scene is even underway, Tracy and Jenna come out to announce that they're quitting the show. Liz scrambles to tell the Kabletown board that the stars are replaceable. But Tracy and Jenna are followed by a succession of staffers who quit, from Frank to Cerie to even Subhaus. They tell Liz to get out of the studio and go meet her kids. 

Liz makes it to the airport just in time to meet Criss and lay eyes upon their children, Terry and Janet, for the first time. The youngsters look and sound remarkably like a young Tracy and Jenna. She may be losing one pair of precocious stars, but she's quite ready for the next.

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